


Skam DC Season 2 Episode 6: I Can't Love Him

by skamDC (bramgreenfeld)



Series: Skam DC: Season 2 [7]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), Original Work, SKAM (France), SKAM (Italy), SKAM (Netherlands), SKAM (Norway), SKAM (Spain), SKAM Austin, WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Gen, Multi, anyway shoutout to my man trevor please have mercy on me in the coming days, can yall believe that ap tests were supposed to be this week, discussion of child abuse (in clip 1)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23966182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bramgreenfeld/pseuds/skamDC
Summary: Holly Rojas Castillo should be in love with Jude. That’s just how it’s supposed to be - when one of the most popular boys in school is interested in you, you date him. It’s that simple.Except it isn’t that simple. Not when Keira still seems to be in love with him. Not when Jude is secretive about nearly everything in his life. Not when Holly can’t stop looking at someone else.
Relationships: Jude Markowitz/Holly Rojas Castillo
Series: Skam DC: Season 2 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674061
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	1. SATURDAY 11:16AM: IT'S DIFFERENT

SATURDAY, MAY 2ND, 11:16AM

EXT. PARK

HOLLY paces back and forth in front of a park bench. She checks her phone repeatedly - nothing. Finally, JUDE runs up to her. A bruise stands out against the pale skin on his cheek, and there are bandages across his knuckles.

JUDE  
Sorry I'm late - I was playing Animal Crossing and I lost track of time.

HOLLY nods, looking distant as he kisses her cheek. For a moment, they just stand there in silence, looking at each other.

JUDE  
Just ask. I know you want to.

HOLLY  
Fine. What the fuck was that yesterday?

JUDE sighs.

JUDE  
It's...

He shakes his head, trailing off.

HOLLY  
Jude.

JUDE  
Sorry, sorry, I just...I don't really know how to explain it.

HOLLY  
Okay. Start with what started the fight.

JUDE  
But that's not what you want. You want to know why I got involved.

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah, I do.

JUDE takes a deep breath.

JUDE  
Okay. It's just...Jasper.

HOLLY  
Jasper?

JUDE  
I'm kind of protective of him.

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah, I'd noticed.

JUDE sighs, running a hand through his hair.

JUDE  
Can we sit down?

HOLLY  
Okay.

The two go to sit down on the bench.

JUDE  
So, um...you know that we don't live with our parents.

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah.

JUDE  
That's because...

He closes his eyes, grimacing. He's fidgeting with his hands, linking them together and apart. HOLLY puts her hand over his.

HOLLY  
Hey. You don't have to tell me.

JUDE shakes his head.

JUDE  
Yeah, I do. I just...I have to.

HOLLY  
No, you don't. Not if you don't want to.

JUDE  
I _do_ want to.

He takes a deep breath.

JUDE  
Our parents...they're really not good people. They used to, when we were younger...um, they would hit Jasper, when he did something that they thought was wrong.

HOLLY'S eyes widen.

HOLLY  
What the fuck? Wrong...like, wrong how?

JUDE shrugs.

JUDE  
I don't even know. The worst thing about it was that it was him, you know? Like, they never came after me. Just Jaz. Maybe he was unplanned or something, or maybe they just hated him for no reason. I don't fucking know. The only times they acknowledged my existence was when I tried to defend him and then they'd beat me up too. Um, you know how I'm a year older than everyone else in the grade? That's because I missed so much school because I was injured or sick all the time. And eventually our aunt found out and...yeah. We don't really have contact with them anymore.

He sighs, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.

JUDE  
So that's why I got into that fight on Friday. Whenever it involves Jasper, I just kind of, well, black out. Especially since -

He cuts himself off. HOLLY takes his hand again.

HOLLY  
You didn't have to tell me that.

JUDE shakes his head.

JUDE  
No. Like I said - I did want to. I had to tell someone, you know? The only other person that knows is Theo, and, like...I don't know. I trust you. It just makes me so fucking sick that parents are supposed to be...parents. There's no other way to describe it. They're supposed to support you, care about you, just be there. And the fact that some people just _don't_ , they fuck up their kids for the rest of their lives because of their own stupidity.

He sighs.

JUDE  
I'm really, really sorry for unloading this on you.

HOLLY shakes her head.

HOLLY  
No. I get it.

JUDE glances over at her.

JUDE  
Do you?

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
You always hear about kids being in foster care because they were taken away from their parents. But mine pretty much gave me up voluntarily. When I was six, they just...went out one day and never came back.

JUDE squeezes her hand.

JUDE  
Shit.

HOLLY  
Yeah, it's shit.

JUDE  
I don't see how it's possible for someone to not love you.

HOLLY blushes, shaking her head.

HOLLY  
Yeah, well. Believe it. I've never lived in one place for more than a year. No matter how hard I try to be...I don't know, just be good enough for someone to actually care about me, they just get rid of me like I'm fucking disposable. I ended up in DC because my great aunt was finally willing to take me in, and I actually dared to hope that maybe it could actually work out, but she just gave up on me like everyone else. So I've kind of decided to stop hoping for someone to love me.

She wipes her eyes.

HOLLY  
Fuck. Now I'm sorry for venting.

JUDE shakes his head.

JUDE  
Don't be. It's okay. I mean, it's not, but...

HOLLY nods. She hesitates, then leans her head on his shoulder.

HOLLY  
I've never actually told anyone that before. Not everything, anyway.

JUDE  
Yeah. Neither have I. But with you...it's different.

HOLLY  
Yeah.

She sits up, their eyes meeting.

JUDE  
I love you, Holly.

HOLLY doesn't respond immediately, just staring at him. After a moment she pulls him into a kiss.


	2. MONDAY 11:57AM: CANCELLED

MONDAY, MAY 4TH, 11:57AM

INT. BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOl, STAIRWELL

WILLA, SAFIYYA, and THEO F. are sitting in a stairwell, talking quietly. HOLLY approaches them, sitting down next to THEO.

HOLLY  
So, what do you think?

WILLA  
I literally forgot what democracy meant for a few minutes.

HOLLY laughs, happier more because of WILLA talking to her than the joke. KEIRA walks over to join them.

KEIRA  
Are you guys not going back to class?

SAFIYYA shakes her head, scooting over so that KEIRA can sit.

SAFIYYA  
What's the point? There's only a few minutes left and it's not like we're doing anything.

THEO  
I don't think I have enough brainpower left for algebra.

KEIRA sighs, slumping back against the wall.

KEIRA  
I don't think I did very well.

HOLLY  
I'm sure you did fine. You won the Kahoot on Friday.

KEIRA  
Yeah, but this is different. What did you guys say for that question about the court cases?

WILLA  
Which one? Like half the test was court cases. It's government.

HOLLY  
I thought we weren't supposed to talk about our answers.

THEO shrugs.

THEO  
It's not like - um, what's the AP man's name?

SAFIYYA  
Trevor Packer.

THEO  
Yeah. It's not like Trevor Packer is going to overhear us and cancel our scores or something.

WILLA  
I kind of want mine to be cancelled.

SAFIYYA nudges her.

SAFIYYA  
Don't say that. It's...

She trails off as The Internet by Jon Bellion begins to play. The other girls follow her gaze, HOLLY being the last one to look up. JUDE, along with THEO R., ELI, and BLAISE, walks past the stairwell in slow motion. He doesn't look at them, but the bruise on his face stands out even more now.

The song fades out.

THEO  
Holy shit.

SAFIYYA  
I didn't realize that the fight was that bad.

KEIRA shakes her head.

KEIRA  
You should see the other guys. I don't know how he wasn't suspended.

SAFIYYA  
It was self defense, I guess. Those other guys were going after Jasper and he just kind of freaked out.

THEO raises her eyebrows.

THEO  
That's weird. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do that.

KEIRA  
Right?

SAFIYYA  
It had to have something to do with Jasper. Like, it's obvious. It wouldn't have happened if he wasn't there.

KEIRA  
Well, Jasper's been acting weird, too. Like, I have English with him and he hardly ever shows up. Right, Willa?

WILLA shrugs.

WILLA  
Does it matter?

SAFIYYA  
Kind of. Something's up with them.

KEIRA  
Are we sure that something hasn't always been up with them?

THEO frowns.

THEO  
What are you talking about?

KEIRA  
Like...I don't know. Their relationship has always been kind of weird. Like, the way they talked to each other in Ocean City...I don't know. Something just seems off to me.

WILLA  
Off how? How do you expect them to act?

KEIRA shrugs.

KEIRA  
Like I said, I don't know. There's just this weird...

SAFIYYA  
Tension?

KEIRA nods.

KEIRA  
Yeah. Tension.

HOLLY sighs.

HOLLY  
Honestly, does it matter?

KEIRA glances over at her.

KEIRA  
What do you mean?

HOLLY  
I mean that it's none of our business what's going on with them. Like, I don't want to sound mean, but...a fight happened. That's it. It doesn't matter why or whose fault it was. It might not even mean anything. We didn't hear what those guys said - we don't know how the fight started. We don't know anything. I don't think we should speculate about Jude and Jasper's lives because of it.

WILLA nods.

WILLA  
You're absolutely right.

KEIRA opens her mouth to reply, but the bell rings, dismissing them to lunch. The girls stand up as students begin making their way down the stairs.

THEO  
Courtyard?

SAFIYYA  
Yeah.

The girls start walking down the stairs. WILLA moves to stand next to HOLLY, their arms brushing together.

WILLA  
(quietly)  
Hey, can you come over tomorrow night?

HOLLY stops suddenly, looking startled.

HOLLY  
Um, sure. Why -

But WILLA is already gone, walking faster to catch up to the other girls and leaving HOLLY behind. HOLLY is left alone in a crowd of students.


	3. TUESDAY 7:45PM: MY FOOLISH HEART

TUESDAY, MAY 5TH, 7:45PM

EXT. WILLA'S HOUSE

HOLLY stands in front of WILLA'S front door, trying to work up the nerve to knock. Before she can make a move, the door swings open, revealing WILLA on the other side of it.

HOLLY  
Um, hey.

WILLA  
Hi. Do you want to go upstairs?

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Sure.

She follows WILLA up the stairs.

EXT. WILLA'S HOUSE, ROOFTOP

HOLLY and WILLA step out onto the roof. There are Christmas lights strung up around the railing, casting the space into a soft light.

HOLLY  
I haven't been up here in a while. It looks really nice.

WILLA  
Thanks. My mom and I put them up last time she was here.

WILLA goes to lean against the railing, looking out at the city. HOLLY moves to stand next to her.

WILLA  
So, um. I wanted to apologize.

HOLLY frowns.

HOLLY  
For what?

WILLA laughs.

WILLA  
For being a bitch to you at the talent show? Seriously. It shouldn't be my problem whether you like Jude or not. And you're dating him now, right?

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah.

WILLA  
And you're happy?

HOLLY hesitates before nodding again.

HOLLY  
Yeah. I am.

WILLA  
That's all there is to it, then.

HOLLY frowns, glancing over at WILLA. She takes a deep breath before speaking.

HOLLY  
You were right, though.

WILLA  
About what?

HOLLY  
At the talent show?

WILLA  
I said a lot of things at the talent show. You'll need to be a little more specific.

HOLLY sighs, tapping her fingers on the railing.

HOLLY  
Um, I should tell Keira. That's what you were right about.

WILLA  
You haven't told her yet?

HOLLY shakes her head.

HOLLY  
I haven't told anyone. You and probably Jasper know, and Safiyya...figured it out. That's it.

WILLA nods.

WILLA  
Well...yeah. You should tell Keira, at least.

HOLLY  
Do you think she's still into him?

WILLA starts to speak, but trails off, shrugging instead.

WILLA  
Honestly, I have no idea.

HOLLY groans, putting her head in her hands.

WILLA  
What?

HOLLY  
It's just...I don't know. I feel bad about it, I really do, but I can't break up with him.

WILLA  
It's not your fault that you like him. She'll understand.

HOLLY  
Will she?

WILLA nods.

WILLA  
She should. It's not like she ever even dated him. She never had a chance with him and she knows it.

HOLLY gasps.

HOLLY  
Willa!

WILLA  
What? It's true. He only ever had eyes for you. Everyone knows that.

HOLLY shrugs.

HOLLY  
Whatever.

They lapse into a silence. HOLLY stares out into the city. WILLA looks over at her, but she doesn't notice.

WILLA  
I also kind of wanted to thank you.

HOLLY frowns.

HOLLY  
Thank me? For what?

WILLA  
What you said about Jude and Jasper yesterday. How much has Jude told you?

HOLLY  
The stuff about their parents?

WILLA nods.

WILLA  
Yeah, there's that, but...um, Jasper's been going through some other shit lately. I don't know if Jude said anything about it -

HOLLY shakes her head.

HOLLY  
No, I don't think so.

WILLA  
Right. Jasper really doesn't want people to know. He told me because - actually, I don't really know why he told me. But me and Jude are the only people that know about it. That's why I've been hanging out with Jasper so much. Not because we're getting back together. That's never going to happen. But because...he just needs someone, you know?

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah. I get it.

WILLA smiles at her.

WILLA  
I knew you would.

She looks more closely at HOLLY.

WILLA  
Are you okay?

HOLLY  
Yeah. Just...Jude. Keira. You. Everything.

WILLA stares at her for a moment longer, then pulls out her phone. Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier begins to play from its small speaker.

HOLLY  
What are you doing?

WILLA sets her phone down on a chair.

WILLA  
I'm sick of seeing you sad, so we're going to dance until you smile again.

HOLLY laughs.

WILLA  
Like that. That's perfect.

She grabs HOLLY'S hand, pulling her out into the center of the roof. The music grows louder over shots of the two of them dancing together, their smiles wide, their hands intertwined.

HOLLY'S smile eventually begins to fade as she looks at WILLA. WILLA doesn't notice, pulling her in closer. HOLLY leans her head on her shoulder, letting out a shaky breath.


	4. THURSDAY 10:47AM: LOVE

THURSDAY, MAY 7TH, 10:47AM

INT. BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL, CHEMISTRY CLASSROOM

Students are scattered around the classroom, some working diligently on the worksheets in front of them, others chatting or on their phones. HOLLY and SAFIYYA sit across from each other at a lab table in the back corner of the room.

HOLLY'S phone vibrates. She looks over at it to see that she has a text from JUDE - one of many that she has ignored. She can see SAFIYYA looking at it too. She sighs.

HOLLY  
Just say it.

SAFIYYA looks up.

SAFIYYA  
Say what?

HOLLY  
You know.

SAFIYYA raises her eyebrows.

SAFIYYA  
I actually think that you should say it.

HOLLY rolls her eyes.

HOLLY  
Fine. Jude.

SAFIYYA smiles.

SAFIYYA  
I knew it.

HOLLY  
Of course you did. You saw us kissing.

SAFIYYA shakes her head.

SAFIYYA  
No, before that. You always made a big deal about how you hated him. It seemed like you were covering something up.

HOLLY frowns.

HOLLY  
Is that what everyone thinks?

SAFIYYA  
No. I don't think so. I just...I noticed. Keira doesn't know, if that's what you're asking. At least I don't think she does.

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Okay. Cool.

SAFIYYA  
Are you going to tell her?

HOLLY shrugs.

HOLLY  
I should.

SAFIYYA  
But...

HOLLY  
I just...I don't know how.

SAFIYYA nods, propping her head up on her hand.

SAFIYYA  
Why are you dating Jude?

HOLLY frowns, taken aback.

HOLLY  
What?

SAFIYYA  
Why are you dating him?

HOLLY laughs nervously.

HOLLY  
Um, I don't know. He likes me. I...like him.

SAFIYYA shrugs.

SAFIYYA  
That can't be the only reason.

HOLLY glances back down at her paper.

HOLLY  
It's, um...

She shakes her head.

HOLLY  
I told you, Safiyya. I don't know.

She looks up, meeting SAFIYYA'S eyes.

SAFIYYA  
You seem different.

HOLLY frowns.

HOLLY  
What do you mean?

SAFIYYA  
It's just...you're usually so confident. You were the one to stand up to Matt. You're the one who calls people out on their bullshit. But when it comes to Jude, you're so unsure about it all.

HOLLY shakes her head.

HOLLY  
No way. I've never been confident. I always thought that you were the one who was sure of herself.

SAFIYYA laughs.

SAFIYYA  
Maybe it seems like it.

HOLLY  
Are you not?

SAFIYYA shakes her head.

SAFIYYA  
No way. I'm always in my head. I can never stop thinking about what other people are thinking about me, about how I can be just that much better. I just...I always feel like I have to work that much harder. Because I'm black, because I'm Muslim, because I'm bi.

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah. I definitely get that.

She sighs.

HOLLY  
He told me he loved me on Saturday.

SAFIYYA raises her eyebrows.

SAFIYYA  
And?

HOLLY  
And what?

SAFIYYA  
How do you feel?

HOLLY shrugs.

HOLLY  
I don't even know what love is.

SAFIYYA laughs.

SAFIYYA  
Does anyone? We're in high school. We're not going to fall in love for real for a long time. I'm asking if you feel the same way about him that he feels about you.

HOLLY falls silent. SAFIYYA looks concerned.

SAFIYYA  
Holly?

HOLLY  
(quietly)  
No.

She looks up at SAFIYYA.

HOLLY  
I...I've never felt that way about him. I'm just with him because...

SAFIYYA  
Because you feel like you have to be?

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah.

SAFIYYA stares at him for a moment.

SAFIYYA  
You know that I'm not the one you should be telling that to, right?

HOLLY nods.

HOLLY  
Yeah, I know.

SAFIYYA  
But I'm still really glad that you told me.

The bell rings. SAFIYYA stands up, picking her bag up off the floor. HOLLY stands up as well.

HOLLY  
Safiyya?

SAFIYYA  
Yeah?

HOLLY  
Thank you.

SAFIYYA smiles.

SAFIYYA  
Anytime.


	5. FRIDAY 4:12PM: HOW DID YOU KNOW?

FRIDAY, MAY 8TH, 4:12PM

INT. JENNA'S APARTMENT

HOLLY knocks on the door and stands back nervously, biting her nails. After a moment, the door opens.

JENNA  
Holly! Hey! Is Theo with you?

HOLLY shakes her head.

HOLLY  
No, it's...it's just me.

JENNA looks confused, but smiles.

JENNA  
Okay. Cool. Come on in.

INT. JENNA'S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM

HOLLY follows JENNA into the living room. KELL and AALIYAH are already there, a movie paused on the TV screen. They're deep in conversation, but trail off once they notice HOLLY.

KELL  
Oh, hey.

AALIYAH  
Hi, Holly! How are you?

HOLLY  
Um, I'm fine. How are you?

AALIYAH nods.

AALIYAH  
I'm doing pretty good. What brings you here?

HOLLY  
I needed to talk to Jenna.

JENNA  
Really? About what?

HOLLY  
Um, it's kind of...I wanted to talk to you alone. It's not that important, I can go if you're busy...

JENNA shakes her head.

JENNA  
No, no, it's fine! Um, guys, can you...

She gestures down the hall, towards the two bedrooms. AALIYAH instantly stands up, dragging KELL with her. JENNA sits down on the couch. HOLLY sits next to her.

JENNA  
So. What's up?

HOLLY shakes her head.

HOLLY  
Um, it's...

She glances back towards the bedroom that KELL and AALIYAH went into. JENNA shakes her head.

JENNA  
It's okay. They won't eavesdrop.

As she speaks, music begins to play from the bedroom.

JENNA  
See?

HOLLY smiles slightly. She looks back at JENNA, but is distracted by a pride flag hanging above the TV. She stares at it for a moment, then turns away.

HOLLY  
So...how did you know?

JENNA frowns.

JENNA  
Know what?

HOLLY closes her eyes, taking a breath.

HOLLY  
...that you like girls?

JENNA looks surprised, although she tries hard to hide it.

JENNA  
Um, I don't really...I don't really think that there was any real concrete moment when I actually knew. I just...my friends started talking about boys and crushes, and at first I would pretend that I had someone I liked - I would just pick some random guy from my class and make up a story about being into him. And then at some point I learned that being a lesbian was an actual thing I could do, and it all sort of clicked.

HOLLY nods. She brings her knees up to her chest, resting her head on them. JENNA looks concerned.

JENNA  
You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. But is there a reason why you asked me that question?

HOLLY blinks rapidly, not meeting JENNA'S eyes.

HOLLY  
I'm dating Jude.

JENNA frowns.

JENNA  
I thought you hated him.

HOLLY shakes her head.

HOLLY  
No. I tried to, because I knew he liked me. And then I just...gave in. I tried, and I tried, and I tried, but now I know that I just...I can't love him. Not how I'm supposed to. There's this girl...

She takes a shaky breath as tears fill her eyes and She by dodie begins to play.

HOLLY  
And I wanted to push it away. I've done it so many times in my life, I didn't even realize how many, because it was just safer for it to be that way. But now...now I've ruined everything. Keira is going to hate me when she finds out. And Jude, and _Willa_...

She's full-on crying by now. She covers her mouth to hide her sob.

HOLLY  
I'm a fucking terrible person.

JENNA  
Hey.

She puts her hand on HOLLY'S shoulder.

JENNA  
You're not a terrible person. You're just...a person. A person who's trying to figure herself out. That doesn't make you evil, and liking girls doesn't make you evil either.

HOLLY sobs again. JENNA pulls her into a hug.

JENNA  
It's going to be okay.

HOLLY  
It's not...

JENNA  
No. It might not be tomorrow, or it might not be next week, but things will get better. I promise. I promise.

HOLLY is still crying, but she opens her eyes. She lets out a shaky breath.

CUT TO END CREDITS AS SONG CONTINUES.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @skamdc


End file.
